


Indisposed

by SilverFountains



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, M/M, Sexual Humor, Uncle/Nephew Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 18:17:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6162304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverFountains/pseuds/SilverFountains
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the lovely witchesdelite. Happy Birthday, my Kili ! Hope you enjoy this teeny little funny one-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Indisposed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [witchesdelite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchesdelite/gifts).



“Where is Thorin?” Bilbo asks.

Bofur looks up at their kind companion from the Shire and smirks. “He is indisposed right now,” he answers with a grin.

_Indisposed?_

“Is he unwell?” Of course he had been injured only some days before, but Bilbo had thought that Thorin has recovered remarkably well from his near-death experience and seemed back to his old self.

Bofur laughs and shakes his head. “Oh no, he is _very well_ , Bilbo,” he winks.

Bilbo frowns, not really understanding what that is supposed to mean. Everything surrounding the dwarves was odd, he found – their manners, the way they spoke, the way they head-butted each other seemingly affectionately, or how they could eat almost twice their own body weight which impressed even Bilbo. It was not unpleasant, he had decided as time has passed and he had come to know his travelling companions. Just odd.

But ever since they had stopped at Beorn’s house their behaviour seemed to have odd-amplifed – was that even a word? – tenfold. They all had become evasive in answering his questions. And Thorin … Thorin appears to have vanished from the face of the Middle Earth.

“I er … He is indisposed,” Bombur shakes his head when he enquiries with the next dwarf on his path about their leader’s whereabouts.

Bilbo frowns at the furious blush that seems to pulse in the round dwarf’s normally already flushed cheeks as Bombur quickly turns the other way.

_What is going on? What does indisposed mean? And why is everyone acting so odd all of a sudden?_

He walks back into the enormous cottage, finding it surprisingly empty. Clearly all the others have decided to make themselves scarce for whatever reason as none of the dwarves are inside the giant’s dwelling.

“Are ye lost, Master Baggins?”

Bilbo nearly jumps out of his skin when the deep booming voice of Dwalin appears from the shadows in the far corner, just as he is about to turn around and leave again. “L-lost? No. No, not lost. Where … where is Thorin?” Bilbo asks, cocking his head, looking up at the broad and intimidating dwarven warrior.

“He is indisposed,” Dwalin responds curtly, crossing his arms.

“Ah yes, well, that’s what everyone is saying,” Bilbo nods. “But exactly what does that mean, _indisposed?_ ” He holds Dwalin’s gaze.

Dwalin raises one of his bushy eyebrows at the hobbit’s audacity. “Indisposed means indisposed,” he grumbles.

Bilbo wrinkles his nose and he opens his mouth to ask more. But just then a noise from one of the rooms behind Dwalin starves the words on his tongue and his eyes grow wide as the tips of his ears flush red. Now that his sensitive ears have picked up the sound, he can hear others too, subtler and ones not noticeable at first but now they sound as loud as firecrackers in his ears. Laughter. Clearly the two brothers, Fili and Kili. A pitched moan, barely stifled. A sound that sounds like flesh hitting flesh. And then that first sound again. A deep throaty grunt. Unmistakably Thorin ...

“Indisposed, my hat!”

Both Dwalin and Bilbo swing round to find Gandalf striding into Beorn’s dwelling.

“I will speak with Thorin right now,” the wizard demands, pointing his finger authoritatively at Dwalin. “And don’t give me that he is _indisposed_!”

“I eh … I really think he is,” Bilbo stutters and then makes a run for it, his ears glowing like hot coals. Dwalin can explain to the wizard exactly why Thorin and his nephews are in no fit state to come to the negotiating table right now.

“Told ya,” Bofur grins when he sees the hobbit rush back into the fresh air, blushing from the tips of his ears to his hairy big toes. “Just think of it this way, a few hours with those two youths and he’ll be as good as new. He might even be in a good mood,” he winks.

Bilbo can only nod, his mind racing wild. But this time his thoughts are interrupted as first Kili and swiftly thereafter Fili come stumbling out of the bear-man’s cottage, dressed only in their breeches, cheeks red-hot and hair wild.

None of the other dwarves seem to even care, as they briefly look up but then go about their business again, as if this is the most normal thing in the world. But then in their world, perhaps it is …

But Bilbo’s ears pick up what no dwarf can, other than poor Dwalin who seems to have not yet escaped the spectacle and of course Thorin, as the wizard admonishes him. “I told your guard that I will speak with you and speak with you I will! We have a mountain to rid of a dragon and an Arkenstone to retrieve and we are all running out of time whilst I find you making busy with your nephews. Thorin Oakenshield, I did not bring you halfway across the world to get laid, now get dressed and round up your men!!”

Bilbo can barely stifle a giggle as he pictures the fierce dwarven warlord in his nude glory being told off for his raunchy behaviour.

And yet, the image that accompanies the sounds of earlier, of the mighty king and his beautiful nephews relieving some of the stress of the perilous journey that they had endured, stirs something deep in the young hobbit’s core. And as he listens to Thorin and Gandalf argue about priorities, he wonders if there is enough time … After all, hobbits occasionally need to be _indisposed_ too.


End file.
